krever | Reading

last time i did one of these i actually managed to finish and publish seven whole one-shots, so this is me hoping and praying that this post will also save me from my terrible writer's block. i didn't want to let go of these because i'm quite fond of these plots, but oh well... they've been untouched and unfinished for months. to love is to let go etc etc.

i care, i care, i care - nakyoung/dahyun/sohyun | canon compliant, jealousy, pre-poly | 2.8k | rated t

you got the one thing that i want

There's a lot of things linking Sohyun to Nakyoung.

First, the obvious one—the two of them share a birthday. October 12, 2002. Same day, same month, same year. Same group, same birthday. You don't see that everyday, people tell them every now and then. Must be fate.

Sohyun never knows how to act when it happens. Nakyoung on the other hand, considerably less of an awkward loser than Sohyun, always nods, puts on a polite smile and says the same thing: Must be.

Then, there's the fact that they're both considered aces within the group. Key parts of the puzzle that is tripleS.

Sohyun can compose songs. So can Nakyoung. Sohyun is a good vocalist. So is Nakyoung. Sohyun is a good dancer. So is Nakyoung.

But Sohyun knows, deep down, that she can't compete with Nakyoung. She knows she is a decent dancer, sure, but Nakyoung is a god on stage. There's nothing quite like watching Nakyoung take the center and demolish a choreography, no matter how tiring or detailed it might be.

The beat drops and, suddenly, all eyes fall on Nakyoung. The camera turns to her and she blooms into something holy. Her smile, her gaze, the slightest of moves—every little piece of hers demands attention, and she gets it. Every single time, without fail.

It comes easy to Nakyoung, that charisma she oozes when the lights are shining down on her and the world is watching. As easy as breathing, almost. Sohyun's way past pretending she isn't jealous of it. Of many things about Nakyoung, actually.

Then, the third thing. The hardest to ignore. The one that keeps them trapped in this never ending loop of half-forced half-genuine camaraderie, which is—

"I brought ice cream," Dahyun announces as she steps into the studio, wiggling the two plasticc bags she has in her hands.

Sohyun barely has time to think before she's lifting herself off of her computer chair, body moving on its own, like a flower leaning towards the sun—towards Dahyun. Always towards Dahyun.

And Nakyoung, well. She does the same, at the same time. Two pairs of shoes stomping on the ground, crawling to the same destination.

Sohyun takes the bags from Dahyun's hands and puts them on the coffee table, pretends she doesn't hear the obnoxiously loud peck Nakyoung leaves on Dahyun's cheek to thank her for the snack. Pretends it doesn't make her sick to her very core.

"We can share one and save the other for later," Dahyun suggests, sitting on the pillow in front of the table.

Nakyoung takes the seat on Dahyun's right side. Sohyun takes the left one. And she can feel it, Nakyoung's eyes on her—waiting for her to say something, anything. Her skin prickles, burning under the gaze of her—member? Friend? Rival? Sohyun isn't sure where they stand anymore. Doubts she ever did.

Sometimes Sohyun wonders what Nakyoung sees, when she looks at her like this.

"Sounds nice," Nakyoung answers when she accepts that nothing is going to come out of Sohyun's lips. Sohyun breathes out, relieved. Thankful, too.

Dahyun takes one of the tubes—Strawberry—, removes the lid and places it on the table, digging into the bag again to grab the spoons. She hands it to both of them, and Sohyun isn't sure if her mind is trying to play tricks on her, but she swears she sees Dahyun's hand lingering over Nakyoung's for a second too long.

Too long for it to have been an unintentional touch.

Sohyun shoves an spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, forces her eyes to remain glued to the floor, prays the coldness is enough to numb her brain.

For the time being, at least.

—

Sohyun doesn't hate Nakyoung.

She won't lie, the possibility did cross her mind before. During late nights where sleep seemed to refuse to come to her no matter how tired she was, she would find herself staring at the ceiling and replaying every single interaction between Dahyun and Nakyoung she witnessed during the day, wondering why Nakyoung had to be so damn greedy.

Nakyoung had the talent, the beauty, the charisma—was the girl necessary, too?

In those brief, sleep-deprived moments she believes the voices in her head telling her that she hates Nakyoung. But then she wakes up the next day, takes a shower, brushes her teeth, steps into Modhaus and she swears on her life she doesn't.

How could anyone hate someone like Kim Nakyoung, after all?

"What is it, then?" Kotone presses, frustrated. "Did something happen between you two?"

They're at a convenience store near the agency. Kotone practically dragged Sohyun out of the practice room the second they were rewarded with a thirty minute break, claiming she didn't want to eat alone. Sohyun found it weird at first, the fact that Kotone picked her, especifically, instead of the ones she usually goes to—Jiyeon, Yooyeon, Mayu, Yeonji—but as soon as the question do you hate Nakyoung unnie slips out of her mouth, Sohyun knows why.

"No, not really, it's just—" Sohyun chokes. Suddenly the lights are too bright and the high school kids browsing for drinks behind them are too loud. "It's complicated."

Kotone stares at her for a solid moment, then she drops the bomb, "It's because of Dahyun unnie, isn't it?"

Sohyun's blood runs cold. She drops the two bags of chips that were in her hands, crouches awkwardly to pick them up, and when she's on her feet again, Kotone is still staring at her. But with a hint of compassion in her eyes, this time. Sohyun knows it's supposed to be comforting, but it only makes her feel worse.

Kotone gently takes the bags from Sohyun's hands, grabs one for herself and pays for everything. Sohyun, still dazed, just follows her lead.

They step out of the store and sit on the bench near the freezer. Kotone hands Sohyun the chips back, opens her own, and allows the two of them to eat in silence for a while. Sohyun, however, can't bring herself to relax.

She knows they aren't clueless, the rest of the members. Not even the youngest ones. She guessed they would notice, sooner or later, that the relationship she has with Nakyoung isn't exactly the best. That they aren't the closest of friends. But still—having that knowledge does nothing to ease the knot forming on her throat.

There's a strange sort of peace in the limbo, in the what if. But if Kotone knows—knows enough to bring up Dahyun's name—then it's only natural to assume that Seoyeon knows, too. And Yooyeon. And Xinyu. And Nien. And—

"Unnie, breathe," Kotone puts her hands over Sohyun's knees, and it's only then that Sohyun notices that she's been bouncing her legs to the point where her muscles are starting to ache. "I only asked because—well. I've noticed it, the way you act around Dahyun unnie. It's… different," Kotone explains, then continues, "And I've also noticed the way you act when she's with Nakyoung unnie."

Sohyun looks up, blinks multiple times, wills the tears threatening to spill out back inside. She wishes she had the right words. She wishes she could sit here with Kotone and use their remaining minutes of freedom to rip her heart out, put it in her hands and ask, do you understand? Do you see me?

Sohyun fears she's perpetually cursed to not having the right words to express herself, no matter how badly she wants to.

"Have you considered telling her?" Kotone asks, hands still on Sohyun's knees. "How you feel, I mean."

Sohyun lets out a wet, pained chuckle. "Wouldn't it ruin everything?"

Kotone pats Sohyun's knee, once, twice, then leans back on the bench. "You'll never know until you try."

—

Dahyun is easy to love.

Sohyun knows this. The other members know this. Everyone knows this. So much so that she can't even pinpoint the moment she fell in love with her.

Must've been when Sohyun asked Dahyun to sing the demo of one of her songs. Or when they shared a bedroom for a while and Dahyun wouldn't even hesitate before making herself comfortable on Sohyun's bed. Or when they hugged for the first time, truly hugged, and Sohyun realized she'd never felt safer in her entire life.

After a while, Sohyun realized that digging through her own mind to find that moment—the exact, fairytale-like moment where Dahyun's name was carved into her heart forever—is useless, because she never stopped falling in love with Dahyun.

She falls day after day, night after night, in different ways. It's not hard to find traces of Dahyun in everything that she does, in everything that she is.

Especially in her song-writing.

The practice room is a mess, as usual. Hayeon is trying to run away from Hyerin's wrath, Jiwoo is whining to Yooyeon about how Yubin is always bossing her around, Nien is chasing Seoyeon around with a camera in her hands and Xinyu is arguing with Chaeyeon over god-knows-what, trying to settle the dispute with a round of rock paper scissors and failing miserably at it.

It took a while, but Sohyun learned to filter out the noise. Most of it, at least. When it's all too much, she sits on the corner between the table and the freezer and pulls out her tiny, battered-up composition notebook from the bag. She grabs the pencil she uses as a bookmark and starts writing.

Sohyun was used to write songs about anything and everything. A movie scene that inspired her, a quote from a book that touched her, the beauty of these loud, unique girls that surround her everyday.

Lately, though, Sohyun seems to only be able to write about one thing. One girl.

She doesn't try to fight it, no. Quite the opposite. It's on the sacred pages of this notebook that she allows herself to feel, allows herself to bleed. A lot of the writing she engraves on those pages is gross and messy and far too human for it to ever become the lyrics of a song by a girl group, but Sohyun doesn't care. They're real. They're hers. They're everything she can't bring herself to say out loud.

And, as if sensing she was being written about, Dahyun makes a beeline towards Sohyun and squeezes herself beside her on the floor.

Dahyun rests her chin on top of Sohyun's shoulder, peeking into the notebook. Sohyun lets her. It's harmless, really. It's not like Dahyun knows she's the muse behind those words.

"This is beautiful, unnie," Dahyun says, sweet and sincere as she always is, and Sohyun feels a wave of warmth spread through her spine. Then, quieter, almost bashfully, she asks, "Is it about one of us?"

Sohyun opens her mouth, ready to answer something along the lines of no, I got the idea from a show I watched last night, when Kaede calls for Dahyun from the other side of the room and she's gone—not before flashing her an apologetic smile, squeezing her shoulder and promising to return later.

Sohyun lowers her head, glues her eyes to the paper and keeps writing. She writes, and writes, and writes—doesn't dare to move, doesn't dare to stop.

She doesn't turn around even when she feels Nakyoung's gaze on her. She doesn't have to look, she feels it everywhere, on every corner of her body. The shared but unspoken burden of orbiting around the same sun, shedding all of their skin, but not being able to bring themselves to stop.

Dahyun laughs at something Kaede said, loud and bright, piercing through the overwhelming noise coming from the rest of the members. Sohyun keeps her eyes down, keeps shoving words into the pages, but she can picture the scene in her head—attempts to describe it, even, uses the prettiest of words, but she knows nothing she writes will ever come close to the real thing.

She feels Nakyoung's eyes leave her. There's no doubt she's being pulled towards the sun.

She can't help it.

Sohyun knows that much.

—

It's three in the morning when Sohyun decides it's time to pack her stuff and go home.

She spent the last six hours working on a song that's supposed to become a bside in their next album. It's a R&B track with a touch of house to it and, although Sohyun isn't satisfied with the melody yet, she's confident she can turn it into something magical—after she gets a very, very much needed eight hours of sleep.

She streches her arms, throws her bag over her shoulder, puts on her earphones and leaves the studio. However, when she's on her way to the elevator, she hears a noise coming from the practice room down the hallway—something metallic crashing against the floor, loud enough to echo throughout the nearly empty space. Sohyun frowns. She was pretty sure all of the members went home around midnight, or at least that's what Xinyu told her when she dropped by the studio to check on her. Quietly, she walks towards the source of the noise, careful not to startle whoever's inside. The door is slightly ajar, enough for Sohyun to take a peek inside, and when she does—

Dahyun. Nakyoung. Kissing.

Sohyun's blood runs cold.

It's not a gentle kiss. Dahyun is pressed against the mirror, one leg hooked around Nakyoung's waist, desperate to keep her in place, keep her close. Their hands are everywhere—touching, feeling, searching. The metallic water bottle sits at their feet, forgotten.

Sohyun can feel her heartbeat in her throat. Her ears begin to buzz. A thousand warning signs start to go off in her brain, each louder than the last. Leave now, leave now, leave now, they beg, and Sohyun fears she'll end up doing something stupid if she keeps staring, so she runs.

Sohyun doesn't wait for the elevator. She takes the stairs, feet stomping against the steps, unable to slow down. Her breathing is uneven, and it's hard to see what's in front of her with tears blurrying her vision, but she can't bring herself to stop. She slips out of the agency into the dark streets, and all she can think is that she has to escape, she has to hide, she has to—

She stumbles on a pebble on the sidewalk. Her body works faster than her brain, hands sticking to the wall in front of her, shielding her from a nasty fall. She turns around, rests the back of her head against the cold brick, and tries to get her lungs to stop burning. She inhales, one, two, three. Holds. Exhales, one, two—

A sob cuts through her counting. Sohyun sinks her teeth into her lower lip, attempts to swallow another sob, but it's useless.

Hot tears spill out of her eyes, streaming down her cheeks, setting her skin on fire.

She knew, deep down, that there was a chance she'd end up witnessing that scene one day. And she knew it would hurt—hell, even the idea of it was enough to keep her awake at night—but nothing could've prepared her for the real thing.

Seo Dahyun, the love of her life, all wrapped up around Nakyoung. Kissing her. Loving her.

Sohyun drags her palms through her face, wipes the tears from her eyes and looks up. A group picture greets her at the top of the building. Nakyoung is in the middle, arms crossed, a cocky smile on her lips. Sohyn is right behind her, hair slicked back, a hand on her tie. She's visible, enough to be recognizable, but it's impossible to ignore the shape of Nakyoung's shadow looming over her white clothes, clouding half of her face.

Sohyun can't help but scoff at the irony of it all.

Nakyoung, Nakyoung, Nakyoung. Always Nakyoung.

A black cat crosses the street and struts to where Sohyun is standing. The animal jumps and settles on top of a window, staring down at her, gaze unwavering.

That night Sohyun realizes, with horror, that she'll never be able to crawl her way out of this dark corner she lives in. She's trapped, doomed to remain underneath Nakyoung's shadow forever.

—

They've been drinking for an hour now.

See, they were exhausted. They've been working non-stop from the second they've landed in Tokyo—fansigns, photoshoots, meetings, rehearsals, hotel, repeat. Three days of pushing themselves to their limits, sleep turning into a luxury.

And, as they were stumbling out of the dance studio they've spent the last five hours in, Yooyeon says, "We need to get drunk."

Not one of them dared to disagree.

That's how the eight oldest members of the group ended up scattered across different corners of Nien and Seoyeon's shared hotel room, each doing their own thing, happy to simply co-exist in the same place.

Seoyeon and Nien are cuddling on one of the beds, Yooyeon and Mayu are laughing at something Xinyu is showing them on her phone and, well. Dahyun has her head on Nakyoung's lap, gesturing wildly as she recounts something Sohyun can't decipher. Nakyoung seems to be in a trance, nodding along every now and then, eyes never leaving Dahyun's face, not for a second.

As for Sohyun? She's leaning against the wall, downing another cup, pretending not to notice.

sympathy is a knife - kotone/jiyeon | girls planet au, complicated relationships | ~900w | rated t

i'm embarrassed to have it, but need the sympathy

Kotone knows what it's like to be ignored.

She still has nightmares about it, sometimes—Girls Planet, four years ago. P24. Eliminated. You’re good, the results said, but not good enough.

From that moment onwards, Kotone had decided she would be great.

—

A new season is announced. A girl one, for a change. The first Girls Planet wasn’t as profitable as we expected, the men in suits explain in interviews, but we hope to hit the jackpot this time around.

Kotone tries not to think about how she was doomed from the start. Pretends she didn’t spill all of her blood, sweat and tears on a survival show that never stood a chance against the male seasons to begin with.

She’s here again, after all, showcasing an older, wiser, and hungrier version of herself. For four years, not a second went by where she didn’t dream of this exact moment—boots smashing against the stage, all lights illuminating her face, screaming at the world: I am here. Do you see me now?

And, somehow, it worked.

Kotone becomes the center—not just the Global Group center, but the theme song center. As confetti drops from the ceiling and the last dance move is executed, it’s Kotone’s face that the camera lingers on.

The performance airs. Her fancam becomes the most watched. People create accounts dedicated to her. There’s voting strategies going around on the internet to keep her at the top. Her name trends on Naver for hours.

Fans love her.

And so does the center of the Korean Group, Ji Suhyeon.

—

Kotone knows how to play this game.

She’s watched it happen time and time again, and she understands why—it’s impossible for viewers to resist a good old rivals to friends story. It makes people talk, it makes the show gain traction, it makes people root for the both of them.

It goes beyond a simple I hope they debut together—it becomes a fundamental part of their identity as fans. It’s their first glimpse into what the final group could look like if they put in the work to make it happen.

Which, to no one’s surprise, they do.

The audience was sold from the moment the show started pitting Kotone and Suhyeon against each other. The editors never wasted an opportunity to amplify the tension between the two of them, no matter how fabricated it was. Every awkward exchange or loaded pause, no matter how brief, was stretched, bent and replayed a thousand times, over and over, until people had no choice but to care about what was being displayed on their screens.

Then comes the addictive part.

It’s time for the performances. Kotone chooses to join Team Boss I and, given her privileges as the title song's center, she gets to pick all of her teammates. She feels the pressure on her shoulders, tries not to think too much about the cries of lesser fortunate trainees begging to join her and, after considering her options for a minute, she starts to call the names, one by one: Kim Nakyoung, Park Sohyun, Seo Dahyun, Hsu Nientzu, Yamada Kaede.

One spot left. Kotone gives the editors what they’ve been craving for—she waits, hesitates, pretends the uncertainty is killing her. Even though she’s known from the second she secured this benefit that only one name could be announced as their last puzzle piece.

“My last pick for Team Boss I is trainee Ji Suhyeon.”

The room erupts. The others trainees start calling them the Avengers, some pray they won’t be cursed with the burden to be put onto Team Boss II and have to battle against them.

Suhyeon, however, seems genuinely taken aback. Kotone watches as she walks towards them, eyes all wide and innocent and hopeful, and feels an invisible hand tug at her heartstrings at the sight. Gets worse when Suhyeon hugs her, whispers thank you in her ear, then joins the rest of their team with the biggest smile on her face.

Kotone remains where she is, in front of the team, the image of a perfect, reliable leader. She pretends she’s paying attention to the instructions being announced to the remaining trainees through the speakers, but all her ear seems to catch are Jiyeon’s quiet giggles, her telling Nien to lower her voice, or her little yelps of excitement whenever one of her friends get called.

Nakyoung taps her shoulder. “Leader-nim,” she teases, points to Kotone’s hands. “You’re going to bleed if you keep doing that, you know?”

Kotone frowns, confused, then follows Nakyoung’s gaze. Oh, she thinks, slowly unclenching her hands. There are crescent moons all over her palms.

“Yeah,” she forces out a laugh, loathes how shallow it sounds. “I guess you’re right.”

—

The thing about Suhyeon, Kotone learns, is that she’s easy to like.

They’ve been rehearsing in front of the mirror for hours now, and it's becoming increasingly obvious that Dahyun is struggling to catch up with the rest of them when it comes to the choreography. She was elected the main vocal of the team, that part was easy, but Kotone could sense the anxiety that took over her whenever the pace got too intense.

It’s Suhyeon who takes it upon herself to ask Kotone for a break, claiming she's feeling a bit dizzy.

Kotone says yes and, next thing she knows, Suhyeon is kneeling down on the floor in front of Dahyun, holding her hands, telling her that she’s not alone and that she’ll help her, no matter how many hours they have to spend sweating their souls off inside this practice room.

It’s sweet and gentle and genuine and Kotone should hate her for it, because how dare Suhyeon waltz into her life and destroy her well-crafted plan of putting her goals first, feelings second?

Kotone still joins them on the floor, anyway.

starburned and unkissed - hayeon/hyerin | childhood friends to lovers, hometowns, summer love | 1.6k | rated t

my heart's a ghost limb reaching

Hyerin manages to take two steps out of Yeosu Expo Station before she sees a blur of limbs and blonde hair rushing towards her.

"We were supposed to get here earlier, we really were, but Soomin had to be an idiot and realize she didn't know where she put her phone when we were about to leave, and then Chaewonie—"

The blur goes still for a second, arms dangling on each side of her frame as her eyebrows scrunch up in that funny way they always do when she can't quite believe what she's seeing.

Hayeon looks more pathetic than usual like this, all sweaty and out of breath and sizzling with barely-contained excitement. She's gotten prettier in the year they've spent apart, too—her hair is longer, arms are more defined.

That stupid, cheesy smile of hers didn't change a bit, though.

"Yah," Hyerin says when she notices Hayeon won't snap out of her daze unless she does something. "Are you going to help me with these suitcases or should I just carry them on my own—"

All of Hyerin's complaints die on her tongue when Hayeon pulls her into a hug. It's tight, a little suffocating and Hyerin's pretty sure the ahjummas selling fruit across the street are all staring at them weird, but she doesn't have the heart to pull away. Nor does she want to.

"Rine," Hayeon breathes out, head nuzzling into Hyerin's neck. "I missed you so much."

Hyerin's heart squeezes inside her chest. She doesn't say it back, can't find the strength to, but her spine softens, body melting further into Hayeon's embrace.

It feels good to be back home.

—

They find Chaewon and Soomin on the way back home.

The two of them are arguing—probably over Soomin's phone—but they stop as soon as their eyes fall on the figures down the road.

Then there's a lot of running, hugging, screaming, elbows accidentally crashing against stomachs, arms thrown over shoulders and it's perfect. They fall into their old dynamics with ease, laughter echoing throughout the path, teasing remarks being thrown around without a care in the world and sheer happiness bouncing from tree to tree, as if the clock had spent an entire year holding its breath, waiting for the four of them to be reunited again.

As if Hyerin had never left at all.

The closer they get to the beach and, subsequently, Hyerin's house, the harder it gets for her to pretend she can't feel Hayeon's gaze traveling throughout her frame. Or that the unwavering attention doesn't make her stomach churn and burn in all of the wrong ways.

“What?” Hyerin asks, fidgets with the strap of her bag. She keeps her eyes on the path in front of her, on all of the narrow steps they still need to descend.

“You look…” Hayeon trails off, a little breathless. Then she giggles, soft and fond, and Hyerin doesn't have to look to know she's running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to ground herself. Or to visualize the giddy smile she probably has on her face, the one that indicates she's about to say something a little corny. “You look prettier.”

Hyerin scrunches her nose, lets out an indignant noise. “So I didn't look pretty enough before?”

Hayeon chuckles and bumps her shoulder against Hyerin's. “Yah, Jeong Hyerin! Stop twisting my words,” Hyerin tries to keep up with the annoyed act, but she ends up laughing, too. “It's just…” Hayeon tries again, but the words get stuck in her mouth. Accepting defeat, she sighs, and decides to say, “It's been a long time since I saw your face this close. It doesn't feel… real yet, I think. That you're here. That's all.”

Hyerin's grip on her bag tightens. Her knuckles go white. The nauseous wave of heat that crashes against her chest and spreads through every corner of her body has little to do with the weather and all with the ocean of unspoken words she's been keeping inside her head for years.

Hyerin finally gathers the strength to turn to her left. After a year of surviving on voice messages and late night video calls, the mere centimeters between their arms feel surreal.

“But it's real,” Hyerin says, trying to sound casual and unaffected, but the slight tremble to her voice gives her away. She can only hope and pray Soomin and Chaewon, a few steps behind them, aren't paying any attention to their conversation. “I'm here.”

“Yeah,” Hayeon nods, dazed, and her smile widens. “You're here.”

—

Hyerin wouldn't say her first year living overseas was bad.

No, not even close. Hyerin knows what a real bad year feels like, has been through some herself despite being only nineteen, and the last one was far from it.

Before she even let herself dream of studying in Japan, Hyerin already knew a bunch of people who lived in the country—courtesy of the endless dance competitions she participated in while she was in high school—and she was lucky enough to have secured a roof under her head for the incredible price of zero yen. She tried to get Mayu to accept her offer to split the rent in half a million times, but the girl always refused and insisted Hyerin was too cute to stress over stupid things like bills.

Her new friends are incredible, too. Rin, Kotone, Kaede. They took her under their wings from the moment Hyerin walked into her first class as the newest addition to Cherry Academy's elite dance team. They spend countless hours training and talking and running through the most exquisite corners of Tokyo, introducing Hyerin to a lifestyle she'd completely miss out on if it weren't for their friendship.

So, yes. Hyerin had a good, fulfilling first year in Japan. She has no right to complain about anything.

But—

“Somi-yah, catch!”

Hyerin rests her arms on top of her knees as she watches Hayeon throw the tiny ball for the fifth time in a row. It almost gets into the ocean this time, Hayeon gasps and freezes for a second thinking she'd ruined the poor dog's night, but Somi runs and grabs it before the next wave could come and take her precious toy away.

“Good girl, good girl,” Hayeon coos when Somi returns, alternating between scratches behind her ears and gentle pats on the top of her head as she keeps showering the puppy with praise.

Hyerin puts her chin over her arms and attempts to swallow the smile beginning to bloom on her face, but it's useless.

It's horrible, really, how much she missed this—the beach, the sound of Somi's paws against the wet sand, the peace that comes with the knowledge that her house and her family are just a few steps away.

And the most damning, humiliating thing of all, the one she now realizes she spent the entire year trying not to long for—the feeling of being surrounded by Hayeon's endless, contagious energy the entire day.

Hyerin loves her current life, she really does, and she won't hesitate to tell anyone as much. But the summer air is making her feel all sorts of emotional and stupid and naive because, for a second, she considers leaving everything behind for an eternity with Hayeon on this beach, the two of them glowing forever under Yeosu's starry skies.

Hyerin stares at Hayeon's back. She's crouched right in front of her, still playing around with Somi. And, since it's just the two of them, she lets her eyes wander—she starts at her nape, floats to her shoulders, and finishes at her exposed arms.

Her throat goes dry. A thousand impossible dreams, all in the shape of a girl. In the shape of her best friend. Hyerin banishes those ridiculous ideas to the back of her mind, forces herself to look away.

—

To Hyerin's horror, sweeping her foolish wishes under the rug doesn't work.

Her subconscious, hellbent on destroying whatever's left of her sanity, keeps drowning her into dreams of Hayeon.

Night after night, week after week.

—

The sun is barely out when Soomin starts pestering them to grab their bikes and cycle their way to the top of Maraesan Mountain like they used to do back in the day.

Hyerin is against it at first. Not only because she's exhausted after running all sorts of errands for her parents yesterday, but because the last time they did Chaewon manage to disappear from their sight for an entire hour and, by the time she came back, Hayeon looked like she was two seconds away from puking her guts out and Soomin, dramatic as she is, had already convinced them Chaewon was dead.

Turns out she got distracted by the sight of a bird building a nest. Hyerin remembers it vividly, the relief flooding her senses along with the urge to actually kill her for making them worry.

The traumatic memory has Hyerin turning down the request at least five times in a row. But Kim Soomin is nothing if not relentlessly annoying, so it doesn't take long for her to get into their heads and convince them to do what she wants.

There's only one problem, though—Hyerin's bike is utterly and completely rusty from the lack of use. Attempting to ride it up a mountain might result in a real tragedy, this time.

Hyerin is ready to tell them she'll go back to sleep when Hayeon's entire face lights up.

A chill runs down Hyerin's spine at the sight. She knows what Hayeon's about to suggest before she even opens her mouth. The mischievous glint in her eyes gives her away.

“You don't need yours,” Hayeon starts, brimming with barely contained excitement. “I can just carry you on mine.”

mango tango, bop - chaeyeon/jiwoo/yubin | summer flings, pre-poly, comedy | ~200w | (was supposed to be) rated e

freaky with that sticky, sticky

This was supposed to be a regular, uneventful morning. As regular as it can get when you're Kim Chaeyeon, the world's most unfortunate person, at least.

Picture this: It's summer. You bring your two—best?—friends who you also happen to have slept with, separately, on multiple occasions, to your family's beach house because, apparently, the three of you can't stand being away from each other for more than five seconds. Those two friends are also best friends, but they've been in each other's lives since they were thirteen and scrawny and weird, and you're pretty sure they're a little bit in love with each other, too.

They are, however, stupid beyond belief and manage to make your blood pressure rise the second they step into your carefully organized, pristine living room.

“You were supposed to grab the ball,” Jiwoo huffs, runs her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Are you an idiot?!”

“Yah, how was I supposed to know!” Yubin retorts, sounding every bit like a wounded dolphin. Chaeyeon would've covered her ears and told Yubin to tone it down if she wasn't so used to the sound already. Or if her eyes weren't glued to the mess on the floor. “You threw that thing like you were trying to kill me.”

none of us were angels - jiwoo/yubin | girls never die au, angst, hurt/comfort | ~300w | rated t

run with me through rows of speeding cars

Jiwoo’s plans for the night were different.

She was going to leave work, pick Joobin up at the library, treat her to some ice cream and walk her home. Then she’d go back to her own apartment, heat up whatever food she could find in the fridge and study until her eyes were burning. An uneventful ending to an uneventful day.

But now she’s here—in an old, poorly-lit park, back resting against the monkey bars as she watches Yubin on the swingset. Yubin hasn’t said more than two sentences since she arrived, eyes fixed on the ground as she uses the tip of her sneakers to scrape the grass.

Jiwoo doesn’t press. She waits, pretends the anticipation isn’t killing her inside, or that this week they spent apart wasn’t the longest of her life.

Yubin opens her mouth, tries to say something, anything, but she chokes. Jiwoo remains at the same spot, hands closing into fits inside the pockets of her hoodie, trying to ignore the knot forming in her throat. Then, after taking a deep breath, Yubin tries again. “I’m tired,” she confesses, voice hoarse, barely audible, “I’m so tired, Jiwoo-yah.”

The only thing Jiwoo wants to do is to run to Yubin and cradle her in her arms. She wants to kiss her head and tell her that it’s okay, you can rest now, I’ll be tired for the both of us, but she doesn’t. Can’t bring herself to. She’s still scarred, too afraid it’ll end up like the last time.

That’s until the first tear falls from Yubin’s eyes.

“Hey, hey,” Jiwoo steps closer, kneeling down on the grass, hands resting on each side of Yubin’s face. “Breathe. Just breathe with me.”

Yubin leans into the touch, closing her eyes as she tries to mimic the rhythm of Jiwoo’s breath. Jiwoo starts running her thumbs through Yubin’s cheeks, fingers circling the damp skin in a gentle, soothing motion, and Yubin lets her—goes as far as placing her own hands over Jiwoo’s wrists, silently begging for Jiwoo to stay there, to stay near.

“Can we just go somewhere else?” Yubin asks.

blade bird - sohyun/mayu/dahyun | canon compliant, pre-poly, mentioned mayulynn/jammiez | 1k | rated t

how can i be your cloud?

Sohyun has been keeping tabs on Mayu lately.

Not in a weird, stalker-like way, no. The truth is that Sohyun is, well—she's concerned about Mayu. A lot.

It's normal for them to act a little off during comeback season. They practice until one in the morning, sleep becomes a luxury, the company gets on their asses for the smallest of things and, when you mix all of that stress with the fact that they're twenty-four girls from different backgrounds and with different personalities cramped up for countless hours inside the same practice room, you're bound to witness—or get dragged into—some uncomfortable situations.

Such as—

"忘れてたの？" Mayu asks, disappointment written all over her face as she fidgets with the hem of her sweater. "でも…一週間ずっと、楽しみにしてたのに。"

"知ってるよ…" Lynn says, guilt-ridden. The pain in her voice is evident. "本当にごめんね、マユちゃん。また今度、いっしょに行こう？"

"Lynn-ah," Jiyeon calls from the door. She puts on her cap and throws the strap of her bag over her shoulder, seeming blissfully oblivious to the tension between Mayu and Lynn—but Sohyun's been around her for long enough now to know she's making a very conscious choice to stay out of whatever is going on in front of her. "Let's go?"

"Sorry," Lynn says again, puts the hood over her head and rushes towards Jiyeon, flashing Mayu one last anguished look before she closes the door behind her.

And there it is, that look. The one that's been haunting Sohyun's every waking second for the past two weeks or so. It appears for a second, makes Mayu's face twist like she's on the verge of tears, then vanishes in the next. Sohyun feels like she's been punched in the guts every single time she catches it.

Sohyun adores Mayu. She's sweet and funny and loveable and seeing her walk around like a kicked puppy tears her heart apart. She doesn't know what's going on, or if she has any right to pry, but she's been trying to make things easier for Mayu in small ways ever since she noticed she hasn't been acting like her usual free, bright self.

During practice breaks, Sohyun offers her shoulder for Mayu to take a nap on. When she notices Mayu is sitting by herself on the other side of the room, she flops down next to her and shows her cute cat videos. She took it upon herself to make sure she's eating properly, too.

And now that she's witnessed what was, essentially, the vision of Mayu's heart bursting out of her chest and smashing into pieces against the floor, she knew she couldn't let her go back to the dorms all by herself.

So, naturally, "Mayu," Sohyun calls as she gets up from the bench, heart aching at the way Mayu startles before she turns around to face Sohyun properly, "Sleep in my apartment tonight."

—

There is just one little problem.

sohyun
dahyun-ah
i invited mayu to come with us to my apartment
is that okay?

Sohyun blinks as she watches the words Dahyun is typing… appear and disappear from her screen at least twenty times before she gets a reply.

dahyun
yeah, that's alright!!
i'm almost done with my vocal class
i'll ask manager unnie to drive me to your house as soon as i'm finished!

sohyun
no… i'll just wait for you
so the three of us can go together

Dahyun is typing… Nothing. A beat passes, then another one, and—Dahyun is typing…

dahyun
no, unnie
you and mayu unnie can go ahead
i noticed she's been a little…
different lately?

Oh, Sohyun thinks, so Dahyun noticed it too. Of course she did. She's probably the most caring, empathetic person Sohyun's ever known. She's ready to give Dahyun a quick debrief on the weird situation with Lynn from earlier, but before she can press the send button—

dahyun
she could use some alone time with you
you always know how to make people feel special ^^

Sohyun gulps, grips her phone tighter. Sohyun knows she should've checked before inviting Mayu. Dahyun seemed thrilled to be able to spend some alone time with her that morning—happier than usual, actually, but Sohyun chose not to read too much into it for her own sake—but she couldn't leave Mayu alone. Not after what she saw.

Dahyun understands. There's no way she'd say no to Mayu, of all people.

Right?

sohyun
yah…
don't say these sorts of things
i'm embarrassed

dahyun
ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ
you're really cute when you start getting all shy like this

Sohyun bites the tip of her nail in an attempt to suppress a smile. It doesn't work.

sohyun
yah ㅋㅋ
finish your lesson quickly

I'll be waiting for you, Sohyun writes, then presses her thumb on the backspace button until all the letters disappear from the screen. Her cheeks burn as she corrects the first word, reading each syllable twice before she hits send.

sohyun
we'll be waiting for you

dahyun
okay~
see you~

—

Not a lot of members have been to Sohyun's apartment.

Seoah and Xinyu come around the most, their visits frequent enough for them to have their own little corner inside Sohyun's closet. Seoah's include the pajama set she always wears when she spends the night, a few scrunchies and the coat she forgot the last time she came around.

Xinyu's a bit different—there's a bottle of body lotion, a bunch of skincare products she forces Sohyun to try, and a purple sticky note that says 박쌤사랑해 hanging above it all.

Kotone spent the night once. Yooyeon came around a few times, but she left as soon as the sun started to set. Same thing with Seoyeon and Nien.

Then there's Dahyun. She's been in the apartment before, but she usually drops by when both of them have little to no schedules for the day. And it's nice, killing time with her. Sohyun never says it out loud, but she hopes it shows on how easily she laughs when they're together, or how quickly she turns into a kicked puppy when Dahyun announces she has to leave.

this time, baby

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